How do we cope with delays?

So, if you have been following our journey for some time, you will realise that our house build is taking much longer than we had originally envisaged. The waiting, along with having no home can cause a lot of worry and anxiety and affect relationships in many ways. Anyone who has embarked on a similar undertaking can probably resonate with some of the effects no doubt.

We had seen some of these issues on TV programs and YouTube etc. Television series like ‘Grand Designs’ showcased many such projects which had been beset with delays and other problems and some had ended in disaster and divorce! Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. So how are we coping having a house built?

We started on this whole journey for reasons already mentioned in earlier posts, but the allure of designing and having a house built that you actually thought about and planned for some time is a dream for many. We were excited with the prospect of designing and building our home. We accepted the design and proposal, which we were informed would take longer than a year, but shouldn’t take longer than two which sounded reasonable. We have met a few people here in Portugal that have done the same thing. In fact some nearby friends have just moved into their new build, but their story is vastly different to ours. So, we knew that new-builds, can go quickly or they can take a long time. There are many reasons for our delays, many which we discussed in older posts, so we won’t go into them here. This post is more about how we have coped as a couple, and, if you are considering to do something similar, what things you might try, to minimise disruption. Many people have asked us this question, so here is an attempt to answer all of those kind folk who have taken time to talk about our journey.

It is hard to put it down to one thing, but there are some main factors that have kept us sane and still able to enjoy ourselves while remaining essentially homeless and estranged from our family. But the first thing to realise is that everyone’s situation is different. In fact, if you have a second home, or have the financial bandwidth to take on such a project while you are living comfortably elsewhere, then hardly any of this is relevant. However, most of the people we have met have moved here in similar circumstances as ours and have had to sell elsewhere to be able to buy or build here.

We were expecting the house to be finished by now. But for the reasons we have touched on previously, we found ourselves, still waiting for the build to complete, but still very much positive and enjoying life to the full. So, just how have we coped?…

The first is obviously a strong marriage. Our relationship is a top priority, as without a really strong connection and bond things can easily get out of hand. This is our 43rd since we married, and to have made it this far shows how much value we place on our relationship. Like many couples, there are highs and lows. It is how we navigate the rough times and come out stronger that makes our relationship even more important and special! Sharing our problems and worries makes it easier to stay calm.

Our family and friends are also a thread that helps to keep the tapestry of our life tightly knitted together. At times where you think things are not going to plan, they can be the staff to lean on. Perhaps the plumber does not arrive when he said he would, or you are presented with an unexpected bill. The people in our lives who understand what we are going through help us to keep grounded. We share experiences, finding out these things are a common occurrence helps us pull together the threads that bring order back to the chaos. We take deep breaths and settle into a calmer frame of mind. Sharing our stories over a meal together and laughing about how long things have taken for others too makes you realise you are not alone! So, yay for family and friends!

The next factor is probably Portugal itself. We know that if we had built in the UK or elsewhere the build might have gone quicker. But, being surrounded by such a beautiful country with such friendly and understanding locals makes it more bearable when things don’t go to plan. When we are faced with delays, uncertainty, or by the unexpected, the places we visit and the people we meet ease the frustration. We like to immerse ourselves in the country and its fabulous culture and embrace the “don’t worry, it will happen eventually” philosophy which is how things just are here.
We are learning that the Portuguese do things very differently than we are used to. However, it’s how you accept those differences that matters. Being able to wake up to a sunny beautiful morning, nip down and enjoy a coffee with locals, and if something is not getting done that you expect, well… talvez amanhã!

The biggest stress is always money! Managing our budget and staying within budget is also one of the things that we have to cope with. We are so grateful to all the people who have helped us too! We wanted to be near our friends, and they put us up to start with. However because the build was taking so long, staying with them for four years was not fair on them! We needed to find accommodation without draining our build fund or we would find ourselves in trouble. During the pandemic lockdown period we followed YouTubers who were working through their difficulties and one such person was Luise from 50 Plus Solo in Portugal. She was house-sitting her way around Portugal. At the same time, we were missing being around pets. Here was an opportunity that unexpectedly presented itself! We could save some money by doing something similar. We eventually got in touch with her and got some advise that helped us start. This changed our lives! It allowed us to travel and explore the country and to have accommodation without significantly harming our budget. At the same time it allowed our besties to have their home back and not have us moping about all the time!

The real bonus here, was also making new friends and connections. It allows you to live in someone else’s shoes for a short time and this has many benefits. You learn a lot of what works in Portugal and what doesn’t. It was also a springboard for many design decisions and things we wanted to try out too!

So, in short…

Our new house build has experienced significant delays.

We have managed to cope with all the worry and anxiety and financial issues, by remaining a close loving couple, having fantastic and supportive family and friends, and discovering a way to keep creature comforts, explore the country, meet new people and soak up the beauty and culture of the Iberian peninsula.